The Question That Stopped Me From Going Nowhere Fast

There were days when I would make decisions that felt right in the moment—but left me further from where I actually wanted to go.

I'd say yes to projects that seemed nice to do but had no real commercial value. I'd take on commitments that looked impressive but drained my energy. I'd respond to every urgent email like it was the most important thing in the world.

I was busy. I was moving. But I wasn't building the life or the business I actually wanted.

The Reactive Trap

You know those days when everything feels urgent? When every email looks important, every decision demands attention right now, every opportunity seems like it might be the one you can't afford to miss?

That's how leaders slip into reactive mode.

Saying yes when they mean no. Moving fast but going nowhere. Carrying other people's priorities while abandoning their own.

For years, I mistook speed for leadership. The quicker I responded, the more "on it" I felt. The more meetings I took, the more valuable I seemed. The fuller my calendar, the more successful I believed I was.

But here's what I eventually learned: wisdom doesn't rush.

The Cost of Clarity

I spent years making choices from pressure rather than alignment.

Saying yes to avoid disappointing people. Taking on too much because it felt easier than slowing down. Confusing busyness with direction. Jumping into solutions without sensing the bigger picture.

And every time, I paid for those decisions later.

The project that seemed exciting but pulled me away from my core work. The client who looked impressive on paper but drained my energy. The opportunity that everyone said I should take but left me feeling empty.

I was moving fast, but I was lost.

Not lost in the dramatic sense—I had success, recognition, a full calendar. But lost in the way that matters most: I'd lost connection to my actual mission. To where I was really trying to go.

The Turning Point

The turning point came when I discovered the power of one simple question:

"Does this decision move me towards my mission or away from it?"

Not "Is this a good opportunity?"

Not "Will people think less of me if I say no?"

Not "Will they think better of me if I say yes?"

But: Does this align with where I'm actually going?

That question changed everything.

What Discernment Actually Is

I used to think discernment was about thinking harder. Analyzing more. Making better pros and cons lists. Consulting more people. Gathering more data.

But real discernment isn't about more thinking—it's about deeper clarity.

When you are crystal clear on your mission, on your actual destination, decisions become simpler.

You stop debating every option and start filtering based on alignment.

Nice to do? Doesn't matter if it's not moving me forward.

Love to do? Doesn't matter if it costs me my relationships and balance.

Looks impressive? Doesn't matter if it takes me off course.

The right decision isn't always the exciting one. It's not always the popular one. It's not always the one that makes you look good in the moment.

The right decision is the one that keeps you on your path.

The Filter I Use Now

Now, before I say yes to anything significant, I pause. I sit with it. I ask myself:

• Does this align with my mission?
• Does this move me closer to where I want to be in three years?
• Will I look back on this decision with clarity or regret?
• Am I saying yes from alignment or from fear?

Most importantly: Am I making this decision from stillness or from urgency?

Because decisions made from urgency almost always need to be remade later.

What Changed

Since I started practicing real discernment, here's what shifted:

My calendar has more space. Not because I'm less ambitious, but because I'm more focused.

My energy is more consistent. I'm not constantly recovering from commitments that drain me.

My business is more profitable. Because I'm saying yes to work that actually aligns with where I'm going, not just work that's available.

My relationships are stronger. Because I'm not bringing home the exhaustion of commitments I never really wanted.

I'm the same person everywhere. Because I'm not trying to be everything to everyone—I'm being aligned with my actual mission.

The Practice

Here's what I invite you to try:

Before your next big decision—before you say yes to that project, that client, that opportunity—pause.

Don't analyze it to death. Don't make a pros and cons list. Don't poll your network.

Just sit with this question: Does this move me towards my mission or away from it?

If you don't know the answer immediately, you probably already know the answer.

Real alignment doesn't need convincing. You feel it in your body. There's a sense of rightness, of clarity, of "yes, this is my path."

When you have to talk yourself into something, when you're making excuses or rationalizing or trying to make it work in your head—that's not alignment. That's pressure.

The Courage to Say No

The hardest part isn't learning to say yes to the right things.

It's learning to say no to good things that aren't your things.

No to opportunities that would be great for someone else but not for you.

No to projects that look impressive but take you off course.

No to commitments that drain you, even if they pay well.

That takes courage. Because people won't always understand. They'll see the opportunity you're turning down and wonder what's wrong with you.

But you'll know: you're not saying no to good things. You're saying yes to your actual mission.

Where This Leads

Discernment lives in the pause before the decision.

In the stillness where you can actually hear what's true, not just what's loud.

In the clarity that comes when you stop asking "What should I do?" and start asking "What aligns with where I'm going?"

I wasted years going fast and going nowhere. Years being busy but not building what mattered. Years carrying other people's priorities while abandoning my own.

I don't do that anymore.

Not because I'm less ambitious or less driven, but because I'm more clear.

And clarity, it turns out, is the foundation of everything else.

What decision are you facing right now? Does it move you towards your mission or away from it?

If you don't know—maybe it's time to get clearer on where you're actually going.